Letters to my daughter

I know that a lot of parents write letters to their children starting when they are very young. We haven't really done that for Lucy, but I thought maybe I would use this blog to pen a note to her when the inspiration strikes me. They are intended for her to read when she grows up, but I hope they inspire you to do the same for your children (or for a friend, or another member of your family, etc.)

Dear Lucy,

I really should have started writing you letters a long time ago. You haven't been in our lives all that long, relatively speaking, but I feel that I've already missed out on the chance to write down all the things I would tell you if you could really understand. I know there's no time like the present, though, so I thought I would start tonight.

(full disclosure: I was inspired to do this by a Google Chrome commercial where a dad writes his daughter e-mails that she can read when she gets older. I can't take the credit for the motivation.)

I would play catch up, but you're just 2 days shy of being 18 months old, and 18 months is a long time to go without writing someone a letter. So let's just pretend that we've already caught up. I think you're a gift, a wonderful precocious treasure that God decided to give to us. Everyday, multiple times a day, you do something that makes me immeasurably glad that God picked me to be your mommy. When I'm putting you to bed at night, that's all I can ever remember. I know I have to get on to you a lot during the day, too, and you do things that frustrate me and stress me out, but I can't ever seem to remember those things when I'm cuddling you and singing "I Love You, Lord" or "Edelweiss" to you as your big blue eyes start to close for bedtime. (Don't ask me why those two songs are the ones I've continually sung to you ... they just stuck. One is a love song to God, the other is a love song for the country of Austria that's in the musical The Sound of Music. Go figure.)

Tonight, and for the past few nights, I've rocked you and cuddled you, but not for as long as I used to have to. You see, it used to take a really long time to get you to go to sleep at night. You had to be completely and limply asleep before I would gingerly place you in your crib while trying not to wake you. Then I would try to make it out of your room before you realized I had put you down. I used to wish for the day that I could just lay you in your bed and say goodnight and leave the room. They say be careful what you wish for. They're right.

Now I can cuddle you if I want to (I do), or sing to you if I want to (I usually do), and I always pray over you and rub your back, but when I put you in your crib, you are always completely awake. I rub your back in your bed for a few minutes, and I always say, "Sweet dreams, baby. Night night." And now ... now you are old enough that you say, "Night night" back to me in the sweetest baby voice. When you said it tonight, I started crying before I was even out of the room. I cried because you say it with a little hint of independence in your voice. You say it like, "Night night, mommy, you can leave now, I'm okay." It makes me extremely happy and extremely sad at the same time. I'm happy because it's so cute, and I love that we can communicate better and better every day. I'm sad because I know you're getting older and every night I say "Night night" to you and hear you say it back is one night closer to you being a grownup.

(It might be important to mention, in case you forget the timeline later in life, Lucy, that I'm 33.5 weeks pregnant with your brother Ian, so almost everything makes me cry these days.)

For now, though, I'll focus on the fact that you still need help with a great number of things on a daily basis, and I'll celebrate those things, and not look at them as hindrances. I'll celebrate your independence, too, and not see them as threats to my role in your life.

I love you, Lucybird.

Love,

Mommy

CT is done!

Yesterday turned out to be so much easier than I could imagine.

Lucy was scheduled for a CT yesterday morning. Originally we thought she could just go in, have it done, and it be over with. But then her eye doctor wanted to get a specific "slice" (or shot) and I guess with that addition they thought they needed to sedate her. Bummer! So we had to prepare her for that yesterday by not allowing her to eat or drink anything before heading to her appointment. Luckily, we had to leave the house right after she woke up (I actually had to wake her up to leave) so she didn't really get a chance to miss breakfast that much.

When we got to the hospital and got her registered, the nurse came out and said, "We're going to try it without sedation", which are the most welcome words I've heard! So we took her in the room and I had to lay her on the little table part of the machine. Her head fits into this foam holder and then they wrapped these blanket type things all around her body, like swaddling, and then put straps around her head. Of course she was crying, but she got to hold her baby doll and I think she managed to keep her pacifier in her mouth which we had brought along for the occasion. I had to step out when the test was being done because I'm pregnant, but my mom came with us and she stayed with Lucy and sang to her. She said Lucy stopped crying when the lights in the machine came on because she was so intrigued by them. All in all, the actual CT probably took a minute or two at the most. Then it was over! I can't believe they actually need to sedate kids for a 2 minute procedure. I'm sooooo happy they didn't have to do that with Lucy.

After that we headed over to see Dr. Wrubel. He said her CT scan looked great. She only has a few spots where her bone has not grown in yet, but that is normal for her and also for children her age. Most kid's sutures don't completely close until they are older than Lucy is now. He said the little plates that you can see along her temples will probably not be as easy to see in a year or so. She still has a little "dip" in her head where they did the surgery, and he said it would probably round itself out eventually and if it didn't, her hair would cover it. We have to see him again in a year and she'll have another CT done at that point, and then we'll see where to go from there!

We have an appointment with Lucy's eye doctor in October, I believe, so we don't know anything about the possibility of having the surgery done on her eyes until then. I think even if we find out she needs it, we probably won't do it until next year if we can. I just don't think I want to have another surgery, even if it's small, right before we are expecting our second child. Maybe it would be better to do it before? I don't know. I guess we can make that decision when we know more.

Until next time!

15 months old and some more medical news

Lucy turned 15 months old yesterday! I really can't believe she is 15 months old. Seems like any day now she will be 18 months old and then 2 years old! She is growing up so fast and learning new things seems like every day.

She had her 15 month doctor visit yesterday. Her stats:

20 lbs., 14 oz.

30" tall

Head was 18 3/4" around

She got two shots and the doctor was really proud of how well she's doing and her motor skills and the words she can say. She can say: "Nina", "papa", "hot", "dance", "more", "thank you", "please", "mmmmm" (when talking about or looking at food),"dada", and "no-no". She knows how to ask for music to play, how to ask for snacks or water, and she can let me know when she's done eating. She can make some animal sounds like an elephant and a bird. She loves to dance, swing, and climb stairs. She really likes those little Cozy Coupe cars and she likes being pushed around in a car or a tricycle at the park. She likes chasing birds and squirrels.

She's really just a joy to be around (most of the time!). She definitely knows how to throw a tantrum but luckily for now they are few and far between, and occur most times when we take long car trips or when she's tired. She sleeps through the night and has been for quite a while now. She's not nursing anymore ... we stopped that in April.

As for the medical side of things ... we knew she was scheduled to have a head CT done about 6 months after her surgery. However, as I mentioned before, her eye doctor needed to have a specific view done at the same time. So we scheduled her for July 18th. I was under the impression that they would not have to sedate her (actually, I was TOLD we would not have to sedate her) and I was really happy about that. But I got a call today from the radiology department at Scottish Rite and first they said that they couldn't do the head CT and the CT view that the eye doctor needed on the same day. I was kind of upset about the thought of having to take her in TWICE to do a CT. Then they called me back later and said that they could do them on the same day. Not quite sure yet if they mean they can do them at the same time ... hoping to find out soon. But they said in order to do what the eye doctor needs, they will have to sedate her and that means she can't eat anything and she can only drink clear liquids after 4:00am that morning, and nothing to eat or drink after 8:00am. We have to be there at 8:45am. That probably won't be the hardest part, but I hate having her sedated. There's always risks associated with it, and it means they will have to keep her and watch her until she comes around, which means we will be there longer than I expected. But if we ever want to know what can be done about her eyes, I suppose we have to have this done. Part of me just wants to forget the whole eye thing, but I'd hate to need to something about it later and have to go through this all over again. Just praying that it will all go very easily and they can get it done quickly. Wesley may not be able to go with me because of work, so I'm hoping maybe he can try to get off or I will be okay by myself.

That's our update for now!!! Will update again when we know anything about the CT.

Another visit with Dr. Lambert (eye doctor)

We went to see the pediatric ophthalmologist this morning for a 6-month check up on her strabismus (how her eyes don't always look in the same direction at the same time). The visit was a little disappointing in my opinion. Nothing had changed; not that I expected it to, but I thought he would give us a recommendation about surgery. He just said he needs to have a CT or MRI done so he can see exactly where her eye muscles are before he can make a recommendation. I believe Lucy is already scheduled to have another CT done within the next few months so instead of doing an extra procedure, he is just going to let the neurosurgeon know to take a specific "shot" or angle when they do the CT scan they already had planned. After that he should be able to let us know something about what type of surgery he would do on her. So that's all I know for now!

Lucy turns one!

*EDITED 3/31/11* -- So we had Lucy's 12 month appointment on Tuesday and I thought I would update her stats here for posterity.

She weighed 18 lbs., 12 oz. which is way less than I thought she would weigh, but the doctor didn't seem concerned at all and I'm not really either since she looks healthy and eats whatever we put in front of her. She was 29" tall (tall for her age!) and her head is now getting in to the normal range for circumference. The doctor gave us some ointment to try to make the redness around Lucy's eyes go away for good. We hope it works!

The birthday girl plays with her rubber ducky in her birthday onesie and tutu (thanks to our friend Kelsey for the tutu!)

The birthday girl with Mommy (and cousin Olivia is in the picture, too).

LUCY IS ONE YEAR OLD!

I really can't believe it. What a year we've had. Any of you that read this blog know that since Lucy was born, all I could think about was her surgery. It seemed like the only time I could see, and when her surgery was over, I could finally relax and start getting excited about other things, like her first birthday!

We just had both sets of grandparents, her uncle and cousins, and a lot of wonderful friends that have been a big part of our lives and of Lucy's life. We planned to have her party at the park, but the weather had other ideas, so we ended up just having it at our house. I think it worked out better that way anyway! We snacked and played and then let her dig in to her first cupcake, which was really cute. She liked it, and then realized that she didn't like that chocolate frosting all over her hands and started crying (it didn't help that she had not napped yet that day and the party was in the early afternoon!).

This feels like such a milestone. It's amazing to reach this start of another year with her. We are blessed -- and we hope that this year is a lot more about having fun than it is about spending time in the hospital! :)

From now on, I'll just use this blog to update about her ongoing medical visits, and I will probably post on the milestones (six months after surgery, a year after surgery, when she turns 2 years old, etc.) so please forgive me if the posts are farther between than a month or so. Just know that means she's doing great, which is what we've all been hoping and praying for!

Much love!

Another follow up visit with Dr. Mackay

We had a quick (key word) follow up visit with Dr. Mackay on Wednesday. He said she looks great and her created soft spot will continue to fill in with it's own bone. We don't have to see him again for another year. That's great!

11 months old!

So sorry for the delay -- it's been a busy few weeks!

Lucy turned 11 months old almost a week ago now. I really can't believe she is almost a year old! When she was born, I imagined us at this time ... almost having a one year old baby ... and now it's really here and it's crazy! She still seems so much like a baby.

She still only takes 2-3 steps on her own these days but if she walks behind her her dino toy she can walk for a really long time! It's so cute.

Her favorite things to do during the day are:

• crawling around holding a clean diaper in one hand
• "help" me load and unload the dishwasher (which consists of taking out clean things and pushing them around on the floor, and then trying to take out the dirty things while I try to keep her from doing that)
• walk behind her dino toy
• open drawers and pull out whatever is inside of them
• pulling out my cooling racks and pushing them around the kitchen floor
• getting into the pantry if we accidentally leave the door open

So you can see that a lot of her favorite activities involve getting into things. :) She's very mobile and she doesn't stay in one place for very long.

She eats so much these days. She will eat almost anything I put in front of her. I can't even believe I'm typing that. Three months ago she couldn't even eat thick baby food. Her favorite foods are: yogurt, peas, carrots, green beans, asparagus, edamame, Cheerios, and any kind of baby food that includes apples. I'm starting to experiment with other foods. It's hard to think of things to feed her ... I barely have the brain power to feed myself some days and now I have to think about meals for her, too! :)

The next time I check in, she'll be a year old! So exciting. We're having her party on March 26th at a local park and I can't wait.